Interactive Skills for Leaders (Part II)

The second part of this discussion on interative skills focuses on the need to be a good facilitator and this can only be met by having well developed questioning skills. People's favourite subject is often themselves so asking lots of questions and then taking the time to listen not only develops rapport but you usually end up learning something (amazing isn't it?).

Let's explore this a little further:

4. Intelligent Questioning Skills
Despite having called this section intelligent questioning skills it is just as appropriate to call them facilitating skills.

By allowing the other person to share at a level that is comfortable to them we minimise the risk of offending them and allow them to set the pace. However, we are still able to steer the conversation through the techniques and questions that we employ. This is true facilitation and this has the ability to connect that person with you in a very meaningful way.

Facilitating meaningful interaction is as much a matter of how you ask as what you ask. To this end, let’s investigate three (3) types or styles of questions that we can employ to maximise our opportunity for connecting with another person(s).

4.1 Bridge Builders - these types of questions enable you to gather some background information. They are particularly well suited at getting a conversation up and running. If you have never before met the person you are speaking with then these types of questions are certainly the most appropriate to begin with.

The best formula for bridge building questions is R.E.A.P. which stands for:

R = Relationships - this includes partners (don’t wade in with wife or husband as there are many de-facto and “significant other” relationships in today’s society), children and other important people in that person’s life.

E = Employment - what do they do for a job (ask sensitively as they may be unemployed). Remember that it is important to also ask what they have done in the past as previous occupations often set the scene for a person’s current role.

A = Amusement - What do they do for fun? This includes sports, hobbies and any other interests that occupy their non-work time. This can tell you a lot about the way in which a person prioritises their life – do they live to work or do they work to live? Does the person lead a balanced life?

P = Passion - If you were trying to find out about a prospective client or customer you could easily replace passion with money but for our purposes we should seek to determine what it is that motivates a person – what are they passionate about? What takes precedence in their lives? You will often find out what the person’s “god” is by looking at what drives them. This will be an important piece of information for future discussions.

Bridge builders will enable you to find out a lot about a person in a relatively short period of time. Make sure that you are listening and as soon as your time with that person is finished find a quiet spot to jot down some important points (names, dates, hobbies etc.) that you can specifically refer to next time you meet (this will have a very positive impact). Do not take notes while you are in that person’s presence – it is not a job interview or interrogation!

Try to remember that open ended questions, that is, questions that do not prompt merely a “yes” or “no” response are always the most effective.


4.2 Picture Painters -these types of questions are best used when you have had some time to familiarise yourself with the person you are talking to as they can generate unpredictable responses if not handled well. Essentially, picture painter questions work on the basis of getting the person to think about their situation or circumstances more closely. Questions such as, “what do you mean?” or “how did that make you feel?” are excellent picture painters as they elicit a very real response.

People think in terms of pictures so you need to ask questions that will enable mental images to be readily created. This is why I tend to use the term picture painters for these types of questions. Picture language is very powerful and as such you should be confident of your ability to wisely steer and facilitate a conversation before you start using picture painters on a regular basis.

Picture painter type questions may generate some emotion in the other person so be sensitive to their situation and don’t bombard them with additional questions whilst they are working through the current one. If you hit a particularly raw spot it may be best to move to the next type of question to stabilise the situation (if necessary).


4.3 Attitude Adjusters - these types of questions can be real life savers for a number of reasons. Firstly, if you have opened up a raw spot during the conversation these types of questions can really help settle things down (give you time to re-evaluate your approach if required). Secondly, they are a great type of question to ask if the conversation is really “dying” as they prompt the other person for their opinion in a non-threatening way. Thirdly, if you are a little unsure about where to steer the conversation next then throwing in an attitudes adjuster can often give you some additional insight.

The attitude adjuster type question is fundamentally asking the other person for their opinion in a non-threatening way. I sometimes call these questions altitude adjusters as they can bring a conversation down or take it up in tempo depending on where it needs to go.

Remember, it is vitally important when using attitude adjuster questions to listen very closely as people are sharing their thoughts and opinions. You must STOP talking and give them your full attention – look at them when they are talking to you.

4.4 Some Key Points
We need to keep in mind that our aim is not information gathering but rather relationship building. Ultimately, the best techniques will fail if there is not a genuine desire to connect with the other person.

We must never lose sight of the fact that relationship building takes time and it requires an honest and transparent approach. Any falsehood (being fake) and duplicity will eventually be detected and could result in irreparable damage to the relationship. It is a large responsibility.

But we mustn’t rush to that end at such a rate that we scare people away or offside them in the process (even if through sheer enthusiasm). We need to be sensitive to people’s felt needs.

What is it that people want?

* Security - home, family, money, good job etc.

* Good health - alternative medicine, exercise, supplementation etc.

* More time - save time, maximise time (i.e. efficient use of time) etc.

* Recognition - sense of self worth, self esteem, acknowledgement etc.

* Fun - enjoyment, fellowship, relationship etc.

We need to be mindful of connecting with people in the areas of their felt needs first because they are the things that occupy their lives.

Interactive Skills for Leaders (and Anybody!)

It seems to me that one of the greatest problems facing us today is the lack of leadership whether that be in the home, community or business arena. In addition, it appears as though many of those who are in positions of leadership (this doesn't automatically make them a leader but we will discuss that at another time) fail to make truly lasting connections with the people around about them. Over the course of the next few entries I would like us to explore interactive skills that everyone in a position of leadership or aspiring to be a leader should adopt.

Interactive Skills for Leaders, Managers or Anybody!

1. Introduction
Interactive skills must be developed and honed over a long period of time. No-one has an instant ability, but rather we must learn these skills and practice them regularly in order to be able to positively impact the lives of others.

There are three major areas that need to be developed to become skilled at interacting with people:

1. Listening skills
2. Intelligent questioning skills, and
3. Connection skills.

Underpinning these skills is our attitude and approach. We won’t be looking at these today but there are two important points to keep in mind.

Firstly, people buy into the leader before they buy into what the leader stands for (the vision) and

Secondly, people are persuaded more by the depth of your conviction than the height of your logic – more by your enthusiasm than any proof you can offer.

In fact, it has been said that if you are not fired up with enthusiasm then you may well be fired with enthusiasm.

2. Listening Skills
Edgar Watson Howe once joked, “No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.”

Six (6) things that listening does:

2.1 Shows Respect – when you listen you communicate that you respect people. If you want to relate to others, you have to be willing to focus on what they have to offer.

2.2 Builds Relationships – David Schwartz noted, “Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking.” Listening meets a need and therefore allows relationship to be developed to a deeper level. After all isn’t that what it is all about – relationships.

2.3 Increases Knowledge – Wilson Mizner said, “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.” It is amazing how much you can learn by really listening to others.

2.4 Generates Ideas – Plutarch of ancient Greece said, “Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.” When you consistently listen tom others, you never suffer for ideas. If you give people opportunities to share their thoughts, and you listen with an open mind, the there will always be a flow of new ideas.

2.5 Builds Loyalty – When you don’t make a practice of listening to people, they find others who will. Practicing good listening skills will draw people to you. If you consistently listen to others, valuing them and what they have to offer, they are likely to develop a strong loyalty to you, even when your authority with them is unofficial or informal.

2.6 Helps Others and Yourself – listening doesn’t just help others. By being a good listener you have the ability to develop strong relationships, gather valuable information, and increase your understanding of yourself and others.


3. Developing Your Listening Skills
Brian Adams the author of Sales Cybernetics offers the following statistics:

9 percent of the day is spent writing
13 percent of the day is spent reading
30 percent of the day is spent speaking
45 percent of the day is spent listening

So how do we develop good listening skills? Here are nine (9) brief suggestions:

3.1 Make Eye Contact – the whole listening process begins with you giving the other person your undivided attention. This is very important for the men to remember – as you interact don’t catch up on other work, shuffle papers or watch the footy. Set aside the time to focus or schedule it for another time (especially during the grand final).

3.2 Don’t Interrupt – interrupting people makes them feel disrespected. We tend to interrupt for three reasons – we don’t place enough value on what the other person has to say; we want to impress others by showing how smart or intuitive we are, or we’re too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking. Let’s examine our motives and ensure that we give people the time they need to express themselves.

3.3 Prioritise Understanding – we recall only 50% of what we hear immediately after hearing it and this continues to fall such that by the end of the next 24 hours we recall only 25% of what we heard. If we focus on understanding rather than just remembering the facts then we significantly improve on these figures.

A man by the name of Eric Allenbaugh offered these suggestions to help improve our understanding of others:

* Listen with a head-heart connection.
* Listen with the intent of understanding.
* Listen for the message and the message behind the message.
* Listen for both content and feelings.
* Listen with eyes – your hearing will be improved.
* Listen for others’ interest, not just their position.
* Listen for what they are saying and not saying.
* Listen with empathy and acceptance.
* Listen for the areas where they are afraid and hurt.
* Listen as you would like to be listened to.

3.4 Discern the Need – part of being an effective listener is to be able to discern the need of the person at that moment. People often talk to you for reasons that don’t match your expectations – to receive comfort, to vent, to persuade, to inform, to be understood, to relieve nervousness etc. Men and women are so different in this area. Men want to fix things they discuss so they often talk for resolution sake. Women are more likely to talk about a problem just to share it and often do not request or desire a solution.

3.5 Stabilise Your Emotions – If you become highly emotional when listening to another person it would be wise to check your emotions – especially if you are more emotional than the situation seems to warrant.

3.6 Reserve Judgement – don’t jump to conclusions and don’t begin responding to something someone is saying (whether verbally or mentally) when they haven’t even finished what they are saying to you. Don’t form responses until they are finished or you may miss out on something important along the way.

3.7 Recap when Appropriate – Listening is most effective when it is active. John Melchinger suggests, “Comment on what you hear, and individualize your comments.” Rather than saying, “Ah huh, that’s interesting”, try, “Michael, that’s obviously very important to you.” If you comment meaningfully you will validate the speaker and they may choose to offer further information into their situation. Summing up at major intervals is an excellent technique to use – paraphrase (briefly) the other persons main points and ask for verification as to whether the message has been received properly.

3.8 Question Appropriately – part of being an effective listener is asking good follow-up questions and seeking clarification. By showing how much you care and asking in a non-threatening way you will find that people will open up and tell you a lot more. This is why the best reporters are the ones who ask questions in a non-threatening manner – Barbara Walters as opposed to Richard Charlton.

3.9 Prioritise Listening – remember at all times that listening should be the priority. Most senior executives and leaders fail because they lose touch with their people and become too busy to focus on listening. (The late) Sam Walton the founder of Wal-Mart and one of America’s richest men was an excellent example of a busy executive who made time for listening. He truly believed in listening to what people had to say especially his employees. On one occasion he flew his plane to Mt Pleasant, Texas, landed and gave instructions to the pilot to meet him about one hundred miles down the road. He then jumped in a Wal-Mart truck the rest of the way so that he could spend some time talking to the driver. That’s prioritising listening.

Four types of Vision

I am often asked by people what factor I think is most vital for business success. I tend to answer this question in two parts. Firstly, I don't tend to focus on the term success but rather that of significance. I believe that we have an obligation to build something that will live on in the lives of others after we have departed this world and to me that goes way beyond the general definition of success. I believe that what we should be aiming for is significance - the leaving of a legacy.

With that said the second part of the response becomes more clear. In order to achieve significance which means leaving a legacy, a path for others to follow, you must be able to visualise things in the long term (multiple generations). To this end I believe that Vision is the most important factor for business and personal significance.

In order to implement vision in our lives and business we need to know what it is. I have included part of my book "Vision - Seeing the Invisible" to outline exactly what vision is:

So what is Vision ?

It is obviously of paramount importance or the writer of Proverbs would not have penned Proverbs 29:18 which says ‘Where there is no vision the people perish.’ We could just as easily say ‘Where there is no vision your business will perish.’

I would define vision as: ‘A clear mental image of a superlative future, imparted to or captured by an individual and is based upon an accurate understanding of one’s spiritual, emotional and intellectual make-up and a balanced assessment of the prevailing circumstances.’ I would add to this by saying ‘Vision involves passion. It is a deep conviction, a burning desire that does not diminish in time. It does not fade. It can and should outlast the visionary.’

In order to lay down the proper foundation and to ensure that there is no confusion we need to understand that there are four types of vision.

1.1 EYESIGHT
Now obviously this is not what we are talking about and while eyesight is a wonderful gift you do not require eyesight to have vision. In fact it was the deaf, mute and blind Helen Keller who said ‘There is one thing worse than blindness and that is to have eyesight but no vision.’ We place so much importance on ‘seeing is believing’ that we fail to recognise that many of today’s successful people work on the premise that, ‘before you can see it, you have to believe it.’

In Scripture, the writer of Romans even spoke about ‘calling those things that are not, as though they were…’ Physical eyes are great but lets not forget that they are not a substitute for the ‘mind’s eye.’

1.2 HINDSIGHT
This is the second type of vision and although it may help us avoid the mistakes of the past most people who dwell in the past get stuck there. The past can be very useful as a point of reference but let’s not turn it into a place of residence.

It’s a bit like driving a car. The rear view mirror is a great tool for allowing us to glance at what is behind, to see where we’ve been and to help us decide on our next move, but we still need to keep our eyes firmly fixed on what lies in front of us. If you tried to drive a car by only looking into the rear view mirror it is only a matter of time before you will have a major accident. The same can be said in relation to your business. If you spend all your time in the past, whether reflecting on victories or defeats, you will certainly miss the opportunities that lie before you in the here and now.

Don’t yearn after the ‘glory days’ or ‘the good old days’. Yesterday is gone never to be repeated or recaptured. It reminds me very much of a man I used to work with a number of years ago when I was in the mining industry. I had implemented a weekly co-ordinators meeting to discuss current issues and to set down strategies and goals for the week ahead. Without fail Bill (not his real name) would narrow in on an issue (generally a minor one) and proceed to dissect it in reference to his experience of how things were 20 years ago. The catch-cry “twenty years ago we used to …’ became such a regular occurrence that it was often raised in jest at the beginning of the meeting before Bill had the opportunity to open his mouth. It was amazing that for the five years I worked with Bill (after which he retired) I must have heard that exact phrase hundreds of times. I don’t know what happened in Bill’s life 20 years ago but it obviously left a lasting impression. The point is, I am not discounting the importance of experience for it is a great teacher, but there is little to be gained from continually residing in the past. How interesting it is to note that during those five years Bill rarely completed a project and was never able to come up with solutions to problems that didn’t match any of his past experiences. Although we often joked about it, it was sad to see that so much had gone unrealised in Bill’s life because he never caught up with the here and now. As the German philosopher Kierkegaard once said ‘Life is often understood backwards but must be lived forward.’

Living in the past will not allow you to make anything of the future. It is like the man who worked for a company in the same position for 15 years just biding his time for promotion to the next senior position. However, when the position did become available it was awarded not to this man but to a much younger employee with only a few years experience in the company. The man was outraged and went to see the General Manager stating that the position was rightfully his. ‘Don’t you realize that I have 15 years experience with this company?’, he said. The General Manager interjected, saying ‘Well, you see, that’s where you are wrong. You only have 1 years experience, you’ve just repeated it 14 times.’

Remember, today is here right now and it’s possibilities are limited only by how much you are willing to put into it. The writer of Philippians was so right when he said ‘Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize…’ Use hindsight wisely and sparingly and it will serve you well. Dwell on it and it will hold you back from reaching your true potential.

1.3 INSIGHT
The third type of vision, insight, is a vitally important characteristic. Insight is the power to see into a particular situation and get to the root cause of things. It is a rare quality but one that is of paramount importance to being a man or woman of vision.

Insight has much to do with the prompting of the still small voice within us. Some call it intuition but I like to see it as a combination of knowledge, understanding and wisdom working sensitively under the guidance of a higher voice speaking to our inner being.

I specifically mentioned knowledge, understanding and wisdom because to me they are distinctly different but equally important in gaining insight.

Knowledge is borne out of study and research and very much reflects mental ability or at least mental discipline. Knowledge is a wonderful thing and we should endeavour to increase ours daily. However, in itself it is not enough. The one who sits at the entrance to the cave and offers information without revelation is not a ‘wise man’ just a knowledgeable one. I worked on a large project at a chemical plant with a man who had acquired almost 30 years of experience at that plant. The project involved the installation and commissioning of some new and innovative equipment. The installation went without a hitch but there were major problems in the commissioning phase. After many failed start-up attempts I looked to this man for some enlightenment. His answer surprised me. He said ‘I don’t know what to do, I’ve never worked with this type of equipment before. I know what I know and I don’t know what I don’t know.’ What a profound statement. Here was a man with much knowledge but insufficient understanding. He wasn’t able to apply his knowledge to something outside of his frame of reference.

Understanding is what I like to call the ‘how’ of knowledge. A person of understanding can apply and extend the knowledge they have acquired to provide solutions to non-traditional, non-uniform or non-conforming situations. Understanding extends beyond the text-book but utilises the principles contained within it.

The third characteristic is wisdom and it should be desired more than any other characteristic. It is the most important because it tells us when to apply our knowledge and understanding. Wisdom recognises that there is a time for everything. A time to laugh and a time to cry. A time to sow and a time to reap. A time to stay and a time to go. A time to speak and a time to refrain from speaking. It is very much about execution. How many times have we seen men of understanding undermine a cause, destroy a reputation or lose a major deal because they didn’t have the wisdom to know when to keep silent? One of my life’s constant pursuits is the gaining of more wisdom. For in it’s acquisition there is great advantage. There are many men of knowledge, lesser men of understanding but few men of wisdom. Gain wisdom and you will have little competition. King Solomon, widely acknowledged as a man of unparalleled wisdom esteemed it greatly, wrote of it often and reminded us of its importance no better than in Proverbs 4:7 where he said ‘Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.’

1.4 FORESIGHT
Foresight is the other vital part of vision. It is the ability to see into the future as one who is creating what they see in their mind. Foresight is about destination and determination. As mentioned previously Romans 4:17 speaks of ‘…calling those things that are not as though they were.’

A number of years ago I had the opportunity to take up a sales position (due to a company re-shuffle) having previously fulfilled roles that were primarily technical in nature. It was a significant risk and took me out of my comfort zone but I realised that the experience would be very beneficial. The sales role had remained unchanged for most of the company’s 50 years and appeared to offer some scope for improvement. I introduced a new way of looking at the sales function and started to implement some changes. Bad move! (or so I was told). Not only was I met with massive resistance but I was told, ‘who do you think you are? You might be the sales manager but we don’t expect you to change anything and certainly not so radically!’ Be warned all you visionaries, you are likely to hear this quite often. Not to be deterred, I put forward my reasons for making the changes and indicated that they would enable the sales budget to be well exceeded. I was given the go ahead on the understanding that should I not succeed I could look for work elsewhere. The first few months were not good, only 50% of budget but I pressed on firm in the faith that the improvements would eventuate. By mid year I was up to 75% of budget, by the third quarter it was 95% and by the end of my first year we hit 115% of budget ($1.3 million improvement). I was elated. It was the largest sales year in the company’s fifty year history. My sales techniques were different but they worked. I was able to see things that had not yet come into being. In the month following this sales result I was looking forward to my performance review with the General Manager. Surely he would recognise this achievement. As it happened I was given an unsatisfactory performance review and was told that, ‘You do not fit this company’s mindset. You are considered by the senior management team to be too helicopter-view (visionary) in your approach.’ What a wonderful endorsement!

I use this example to remind you that foresight will give you the ability to see things that have not as yet come into being. Yes, you will off-side some people, maybe even lose friends. You will upset people because they will be unable to see what you see, nor will they have the ability to understand it when you share it with them. However, don’t be deterred. Stick to your game plan. Work at it and don’t allow others to distract you from your purpose. You are the one who can see the end result. Remember, foresight is about determination and destination

Never forget, it is insight and foresight working together that is the key to tapping into the power of vision.

KEY POINTS: THE 4 TYPES OF VISION
1. You don’t require eyesight to be a visionary person.
2. The past should be used as a place of reference and not a place of residence.
3. Insight will allow you to get to the root cause of issues.
4. Make every effort to increase your knowledge and understanding.
5. Above all else – get wisdom!