It seems to me that one of the greatest problems facing us today is the lack of leadership whether that be in the home, community or business arena. In addition, it appears as though many of those who are in positions of leadership (this doesn't automatically make them a leader but we will discuss that at another time) fail to make truly lasting connections with the people around about them. Over the course of the next few entries I would like us to explore interactive skills that everyone in a position of leadership or aspiring to be a leader should adopt.
Interactive Skills for Leaders, Managers or Anybody!
1. Introduction
Interactive skills must be developed and honed over a long period of time. No-one has an instant ability, but rather we must learn these skills and practice them regularly in order to be able to positively impact the lives of others.
There are three major areas that need to be developed to become skilled at interacting with people:
1. Listening skills
2. Intelligent questioning skills, and
3. Connection skills.
Underpinning these skills is our attitude and approach. We won’t be looking at these today but there are two important points to keep in mind.
Firstly, people buy into the leader before they buy into what the leader stands for (the vision) and
Secondly, people are persuaded more by the depth of your conviction than the height of your logic – more by your enthusiasm than any proof you can offer.
In fact, it has been said that if you are not fired up with enthusiasm then you may well be fired with enthusiasm.
2. Listening Skills
Edgar Watson Howe once joked, “No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.”
Six (6) things that listening does:
2.1 Shows Respect – when you listen you communicate that you respect people. If you want to relate to others, you have to be willing to focus on what they have to offer.
2.2 Builds Relationships – David Schwartz noted, “Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking.” Listening meets a need and therefore allows relationship to be developed to a deeper level. After all isn’t that what it is all about – relationships.
2.3 Increases Knowledge – Wilson Mizner said, “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.” It is amazing how much you can learn by really listening to others.
2.4 Generates Ideas – Plutarch of ancient Greece said, “Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.” When you consistently listen tom others, you never suffer for ideas. If you give people opportunities to share their thoughts, and you listen with an open mind, the there will always be a flow of new ideas.
2.5 Builds Loyalty – When you don’t make a practice of listening to people, they find others who will. Practicing good listening skills will draw people to you. If you consistently listen to others, valuing them and what they have to offer, they are likely to develop a strong loyalty to you, even when your authority with them is unofficial or informal.
2.6 Helps Others and Yourself – listening doesn’t just help others. By being a good listener you have the ability to develop strong relationships, gather valuable information, and increase your understanding of yourself and others.
3. Developing Your Listening Skills
Brian Adams the author of Sales Cybernetics offers the following statistics:
9 percent of the day is spent writing
13 percent of the day is spent reading
30 percent of the day is spent speaking
45 percent of the day is spent listening
So how do we develop good listening skills? Here are nine (9) brief suggestions:
3.1 Make Eye Contact – the whole listening process begins with you giving the other person your undivided attention. This is very important for the men to remember – as you interact don’t catch up on other work, shuffle papers or watch the footy. Set aside the time to focus or schedule it for another time (especially during the grand final).
3.2 Don’t Interrupt – interrupting people makes them feel disrespected. We tend to interrupt for three reasons – we don’t place enough value on what the other person has to say; we want to impress others by showing how smart or intuitive we are, or we’re too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking. Let’s examine our motives and ensure that we give people the time they need to express themselves.
3.3 Prioritise Understanding – we recall only 50% of what we hear immediately after hearing it and this continues to fall such that by the end of the next 24 hours we recall only 25% of what we heard. If we focus on understanding rather than just remembering the facts then we significantly improve on these figures.
A man by the name of Eric Allenbaugh offered these suggestions to help improve our understanding of others:
* Listen with a head-heart connection.
* Listen with the intent of understanding.
* Listen for the message and the message behind the message.
* Listen for both content and feelings.
* Listen with eyes – your hearing will be improved.
* Listen for others’ interest, not just their position.
* Listen for what they are saying and not saying.
* Listen with empathy and acceptance.
* Listen for the areas where they are afraid and hurt.
* Listen as you would like to be listened to.
3.4 Discern the Need – part of being an effective listener is to be able to discern the need of the person at that moment. People often talk to you for reasons that don’t match your expectations – to receive comfort, to vent, to persuade, to inform, to be understood, to relieve nervousness etc. Men and women are so different in this area. Men want to fix things they discuss so they often talk for resolution sake. Women are more likely to talk about a problem just to share it and often do not request or desire a solution.
3.5 Stabilise Your Emotions – If you become highly emotional when listening to another person it would be wise to check your emotions – especially if you are more emotional than the situation seems to warrant.
3.6 Reserve Judgement – don’t jump to conclusions and don’t begin responding to something someone is saying (whether verbally or mentally) when they haven’t even finished what they are saying to you. Don’t form responses until they are finished or you may miss out on something important along the way.
3.7 Recap when Appropriate – Listening is most effective when it is active. John Melchinger suggests, “Comment on what you hear, and individualize your comments.” Rather than saying, “Ah huh, that’s interesting”, try, “Michael, that’s obviously very important to you.” If you comment meaningfully you will validate the speaker and they may choose to offer further information into their situation. Summing up at major intervals is an excellent technique to use – paraphrase (briefly) the other persons main points and ask for verification as to whether the message has been received properly.
3.8 Question Appropriately – part of being an effective listener is asking good follow-up questions and seeking clarification. By showing how much you care and asking in a non-threatening way you will find that people will open up and tell you a lot more. This is why the best reporters are the ones who ask questions in a non-threatening manner – Barbara Walters as opposed to Richard Charlton.
3.9 Prioritise Listening – remember at all times that listening should be the priority. Most senior executives and leaders fail because they lose touch with their people and become too busy to focus on listening. (The late) Sam Walton the founder of Wal-Mart and one of America’s richest men was an excellent example of a busy executive who made time for listening. He truly believed in listening to what people had to say especially his employees. On one occasion he flew his plane to Mt Pleasant, Texas, landed and gave instructions to the pilot to meet him about one hundred miles down the road. He then jumped in a Wal-Mart truck the rest of the way so that he could spend some time talking to the driver. That’s prioritising listening.
Interactive Skills for Leaders, Managers or Anybody!
1. Introduction
Interactive skills must be developed and honed over a long period of time. No-one has an instant ability, but rather we must learn these skills and practice them regularly in order to be able to positively impact the lives of others.
There are three major areas that need to be developed to become skilled at interacting with people:
1. Listening skills
2. Intelligent questioning skills, and
3. Connection skills.
Underpinning these skills is our attitude and approach. We won’t be looking at these today but there are two important points to keep in mind.
Firstly, people buy into the leader before they buy into what the leader stands for (the vision) and
Secondly, people are persuaded more by the depth of your conviction than the height of your logic – more by your enthusiasm than any proof you can offer.
In fact, it has been said that if you are not fired up with enthusiasm then you may well be fired with enthusiasm.
2. Listening Skills
Edgar Watson Howe once joked, “No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.”
Six (6) things that listening does:
2.1 Shows Respect – when you listen you communicate that you respect people. If you want to relate to others, you have to be willing to focus on what they have to offer.
2.2 Builds Relationships – David Schwartz noted, “Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking.” Listening meets a need and therefore allows relationship to be developed to a deeper level. After all isn’t that what it is all about – relationships.
2.3 Increases Knowledge – Wilson Mizner said, “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.” It is amazing how much you can learn by really listening to others.
2.4 Generates Ideas – Plutarch of ancient Greece said, “Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.” When you consistently listen tom others, you never suffer for ideas. If you give people opportunities to share their thoughts, and you listen with an open mind, the there will always be a flow of new ideas.
2.5 Builds Loyalty – When you don’t make a practice of listening to people, they find others who will. Practicing good listening skills will draw people to you. If you consistently listen to others, valuing them and what they have to offer, they are likely to develop a strong loyalty to you, even when your authority with them is unofficial or informal.
2.6 Helps Others and Yourself – listening doesn’t just help others. By being a good listener you have the ability to develop strong relationships, gather valuable information, and increase your understanding of yourself and others.
3. Developing Your Listening Skills
Brian Adams the author of Sales Cybernetics offers the following statistics:
9 percent of the day is spent writing
13 percent of the day is spent reading
30 percent of the day is spent speaking
45 percent of the day is spent listening
So how do we develop good listening skills? Here are nine (9) brief suggestions:
3.1 Make Eye Contact – the whole listening process begins with you giving the other person your undivided attention. This is very important for the men to remember – as you interact don’t catch up on other work, shuffle papers or watch the footy. Set aside the time to focus or schedule it for another time (especially during the grand final).
3.2 Don’t Interrupt – interrupting people makes them feel disrespected. We tend to interrupt for three reasons – we don’t place enough value on what the other person has to say; we want to impress others by showing how smart or intuitive we are, or we’re too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking. Let’s examine our motives and ensure that we give people the time they need to express themselves.
3.3 Prioritise Understanding – we recall only 50% of what we hear immediately after hearing it and this continues to fall such that by the end of the next 24 hours we recall only 25% of what we heard. If we focus on understanding rather than just remembering the facts then we significantly improve on these figures.
A man by the name of Eric Allenbaugh offered these suggestions to help improve our understanding of others:
* Listen with a head-heart connection.
* Listen with the intent of understanding.
* Listen for the message and the message behind the message.
* Listen for both content and feelings.
* Listen with eyes – your hearing will be improved.
* Listen for others’ interest, not just their position.
* Listen for what they are saying and not saying.
* Listen with empathy and acceptance.
* Listen for the areas where they are afraid and hurt.
* Listen as you would like to be listened to.
3.4 Discern the Need – part of being an effective listener is to be able to discern the need of the person at that moment. People often talk to you for reasons that don’t match your expectations – to receive comfort, to vent, to persuade, to inform, to be understood, to relieve nervousness etc. Men and women are so different in this area. Men want to fix things they discuss so they often talk for resolution sake. Women are more likely to talk about a problem just to share it and often do not request or desire a solution.
3.5 Stabilise Your Emotions – If you become highly emotional when listening to another person it would be wise to check your emotions – especially if you are more emotional than the situation seems to warrant.
3.6 Reserve Judgement – don’t jump to conclusions and don’t begin responding to something someone is saying (whether verbally or mentally) when they haven’t even finished what they are saying to you. Don’t form responses until they are finished or you may miss out on something important along the way.
3.7 Recap when Appropriate – Listening is most effective when it is active. John Melchinger suggests, “Comment on what you hear, and individualize your comments.” Rather than saying, “Ah huh, that’s interesting”, try, “Michael, that’s obviously very important to you.” If you comment meaningfully you will validate the speaker and they may choose to offer further information into their situation. Summing up at major intervals is an excellent technique to use – paraphrase (briefly) the other persons main points and ask for verification as to whether the message has been received properly.
3.8 Question Appropriately – part of being an effective listener is asking good follow-up questions and seeking clarification. By showing how much you care and asking in a non-threatening way you will find that people will open up and tell you a lot more. This is why the best reporters are the ones who ask questions in a non-threatening manner – Barbara Walters as opposed to Richard Charlton.
3.9 Prioritise Listening – remember at all times that listening should be the priority. Most senior executives and leaders fail because they lose touch with their people and become too busy to focus on listening. (The late) Sam Walton the founder of Wal-Mart and one of America’s richest men was an excellent example of a busy executive who made time for listening. He truly believed in listening to what people had to say especially his employees. On one occasion he flew his plane to Mt Pleasant, Texas, landed and gave instructions to the pilot to meet him about one hundred miles down the road. He then jumped in a Wal-Mart truck the rest of the way so that he could spend some time talking to the driver. That’s prioritising listening.
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