Well the third part of this discussion on interactive skills revolves around your ability to connect with people. Loneliness and a lack of a sense of belonging are major issues in today's world and if we can take the time to connect with people it will have a massive impact.
Read on ...
5. Connection Skills
When you navigate for people, you come alongside them and travel their road for a while, helping them handle some of the difficulties and obstacles of life. But when you connect with people, you are asking them to come alongside you and travel your road for your and their mutual benefit.
So what are some of the steps to connecting with people?
5.1 Value People – if you take people for granted you won’t be able to connect with them. Don’t get so caught up in the vision of where you are going that you forget the people you are trying to lead. When you let people know that you don’t take them for granted, they will often reciprocate. We could all give testament to the fact that “it is nice to be asked.”
5.2 Adopt the Right Mind-Set – your attitude determines your altitude. If you want to accomplish something great and really see it come to pass you have to possess the right mind-set. You need to:
* believe that you can make a difference
* believe what you share can make a difference
* believe the person you share with can make a difference, and
* believe that together you can make a big difference.
Helen Keller said, “Life is an exciting business and most exciting when lived for others.”
Mother Theresa once said, “I can do what you can’t do, and you can do what I can’t do. Together we can do great things.”
A famous organist in the 1800’s travelled from town to town giving concerts. In each town, he hired a boy to pump the organ during the concert. After one particular performance, he couldn’t shake the boy. He even followed the organist back to his hotel. “We sure had a great concert tonight, didn’t we?” said the boy. “What do you mean we?” said the musician. “I had a great concert. Now why don’t you go home?” The next night when the organist was halfway through a magnificent composition, the organ suddenly quit. The organist was stunned. Then suddenly, the little boy stuck his head around the corner of the organ, grinned, and said, “We ain’t having a very good concert tonight, are we?”
Don’t take people for granted.
5.3 Take Initiative – according to Tom Peters the number one managerial productivity problem facing us today is, quite simply, managers who are out of touch with their people and out of touch with their customers. Lack of contact affects us all. Sometimes we bemoan the lack of this or that in our organisation but the fact of the matter is many organisations with much less to offer but plenty of friendship will draw people much better than those that have everything to offer except friendship.
It is not the follower’s responsibility to initiate contact with the leader. Effective leaders are initiators.
5.4 Find Common Ground – it is advisable that if at any time you wish to connect with someone, start at the place where you both agree. The R.E.A.P. technique works very well at discovering points of common interest. It has been said, “All things being equal, people will deal with people they like. All things not being equal, they still will.”
Even when you have found common ground the communication process can be difficult. If you detect that people are tentative about you approaching them then you can try to meet them on emotional common ground. John Maxwell has developed a technique he calls feel, felt, found. First, try to sense what they feel and acknowledge and validate those feelings. If you’ve had similar feelings in the past then share with them about how you felt and finally share with them what you’ve found has helped you work through those feelings.
5.5 Recognise & Respect Differences – in the process of finding common ground we also need to acknowledge that we are all different. It helps to recognise that there are four major personality types:
* Sanguine: desires fun; is outgoing, relationship oriented, witty, easygoing, popular, artistic, emotional, outspoken and optimistic.
* Melancholic: desires perfection; is introverted, task oriented, artistic, emotional, goal oriented, organised and pessimistic.
* Phlegmatic: desires peace; is introverted, unemotional, strong-willed, relationship oriented, pessimistic and purpose driven.
* Choleric: desires power or control; is strong willed, decisive, goal oriented, organised, unemotional, outgoing, outspoken and optimistic.
Just about everyone you try to connect with falls into one of these categories or has characteristics from two complementary categories. as you connect recognise and respect the differences.
With cholerics, connect with strength. With melancholics, connect by being focussed. With phlegmatics, connect by giving assurance and with sanguines, connect with excitement.
5.6 Find the Keys – know what is important to people. Andrew Carnegie the famous industrialist had an uncanny ability for understanding people and what was important to them. He wanted to sell his steel to the Pennsylvania Railroad so when he built his new steel mill in Pittsburg he named it the J. Edgar Thompson Steel Works after the President of the Pennsylvania Railroad. Who do you think they bought their steel from?
To understand a person’s mind look at what he has already achieved but to understand the heart look at what he aspires to do. Use this key with integrity.
5.7 Communicate from the Heart – once you’ve found common ground and discovered what really maters to people you need to communicate to them what really matters to you – to do this you must speak from the heart.
Being genuine is the single most important factor when communicating with others, whether one-on-one or before a large group. There is no substitute for honesty.
5.8 Share Experiences – in order to cement relationships you need to share common experiences. Joseph F. Newton said, “People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” The common experiences don’t have to be dramatic, although adversity does work wonders. Share a meal. Go to a footy match together. By doing these things we are creating a common history.
Jackie Robinson, the first African-American to play major league baseball faced jeering crowds, death threats and loads of abuse in just about every stadium he entered whilst overcoming the colour barrier. During one match in his home stadium of Brooklyn, he committed an error, and immediately, his own fans began hurling abuse at him. He stood at second base humiliated. Then short-stop Pee-Wee Reese came over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew quiet. It is said that Robinson later claimed that Reese’s arm around his shoulder saved his career.
Who’s shoulder have we put an arm around lately?
5.9 Move Forward – connect with people first and you will be able to influence them to move on the right direction. Don’t try and move people before you have connected with them as this will lead to mistrust, resistance and strained relationships.
6. Conclusion
The best leaders in the world – those that will have people follow them willingly just about anywhere – are those that have developed great listening skills and intelligent questioning skills and have learnt the art of connecting with people.
Leadership is about influence.
Your choice is whether that influence will build positively or negatively into the lives of other people.
The challenge awaits.
Read on ...
5. Connection Skills
When you navigate for people, you come alongside them and travel their road for a while, helping them handle some of the difficulties and obstacles of life. But when you connect with people, you are asking them to come alongside you and travel your road for your and their mutual benefit.
So what are some of the steps to connecting with people?
5.1 Value People – if you take people for granted you won’t be able to connect with them. Don’t get so caught up in the vision of where you are going that you forget the people you are trying to lead. When you let people know that you don’t take them for granted, they will often reciprocate. We could all give testament to the fact that “it is nice to be asked.”
5.2 Adopt the Right Mind-Set – your attitude determines your altitude. If you want to accomplish something great and really see it come to pass you have to possess the right mind-set. You need to:
* believe that you can make a difference
* believe what you share can make a difference
* believe the person you share with can make a difference, and
* believe that together you can make a big difference.
Helen Keller said, “Life is an exciting business and most exciting when lived for others.”
Mother Theresa once said, “I can do what you can’t do, and you can do what I can’t do. Together we can do great things.”
A famous organist in the 1800’s travelled from town to town giving concerts. In each town, he hired a boy to pump the organ during the concert. After one particular performance, he couldn’t shake the boy. He even followed the organist back to his hotel. “We sure had a great concert tonight, didn’t we?” said the boy. “What do you mean we?” said the musician. “I had a great concert. Now why don’t you go home?” The next night when the organist was halfway through a magnificent composition, the organ suddenly quit. The organist was stunned. Then suddenly, the little boy stuck his head around the corner of the organ, grinned, and said, “We ain’t having a very good concert tonight, are we?”
Don’t take people for granted.
5.3 Take Initiative – according to Tom Peters the number one managerial productivity problem facing us today is, quite simply, managers who are out of touch with their people and out of touch with their customers. Lack of contact affects us all. Sometimes we bemoan the lack of this or that in our organisation but the fact of the matter is many organisations with much less to offer but plenty of friendship will draw people much better than those that have everything to offer except friendship.
It is not the follower’s responsibility to initiate contact with the leader. Effective leaders are initiators.
5.4 Find Common Ground – it is advisable that if at any time you wish to connect with someone, start at the place where you both agree. The R.E.A.P. technique works very well at discovering points of common interest. It has been said, “All things being equal, people will deal with people they like. All things not being equal, they still will.”
Even when you have found common ground the communication process can be difficult. If you detect that people are tentative about you approaching them then you can try to meet them on emotional common ground. John Maxwell has developed a technique he calls feel, felt, found. First, try to sense what they feel and acknowledge and validate those feelings. If you’ve had similar feelings in the past then share with them about how you felt and finally share with them what you’ve found has helped you work through those feelings.
5.5 Recognise & Respect Differences – in the process of finding common ground we also need to acknowledge that we are all different. It helps to recognise that there are four major personality types:
* Sanguine: desires fun; is outgoing, relationship oriented, witty, easygoing, popular, artistic, emotional, outspoken and optimistic.
* Melancholic: desires perfection; is introverted, task oriented, artistic, emotional, goal oriented, organised and pessimistic.
* Phlegmatic: desires peace; is introverted, unemotional, strong-willed, relationship oriented, pessimistic and purpose driven.
* Choleric: desires power or control; is strong willed, decisive, goal oriented, organised, unemotional, outgoing, outspoken and optimistic.
Just about everyone you try to connect with falls into one of these categories or has characteristics from two complementary categories. as you connect recognise and respect the differences.
With cholerics, connect with strength. With melancholics, connect by being focussed. With phlegmatics, connect by giving assurance and with sanguines, connect with excitement.
5.6 Find the Keys – know what is important to people. Andrew Carnegie the famous industrialist had an uncanny ability for understanding people and what was important to them. He wanted to sell his steel to the Pennsylvania Railroad so when he built his new steel mill in Pittsburg he named it the J. Edgar Thompson Steel Works after the President of the Pennsylvania Railroad. Who do you think they bought their steel from?
To understand a person’s mind look at what he has already achieved but to understand the heart look at what he aspires to do. Use this key with integrity.
5.7 Communicate from the Heart – once you’ve found common ground and discovered what really maters to people you need to communicate to them what really matters to you – to do this you must speak from the heart.
Being genuine is the single most important factor when communicating with others, whether one-on-one or before a large group. There is no substitute for honesty.
5.8 Share Experiences – in order to cement relationships you need to share common experiences. Joseph F. Newton said, “People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” The common experiences don’t have to be dramatic, although adversity does work wonders. Share a meal. Go to a footy match together. By doing these things we are creating a common history.
Jackie Robinson, the first African-American to play major league baseball faced jeering crowds, death threats and loads of abuse in just about every stadium he entered whilst overcoming the colour barrier. During one match in his home stadium of Brooklyn, he committed an error, and immediately, his own fans began hurling abuse at him. He stood at second base humiliated. Then short-stop Pee-Wee Reese came over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew quiet. It is said that Robinson later claimed that Reese’s arm around his shoulder saved his career.
Who’s shoulder have we put an arm around lately?
5.9 Move Forward – connect with people first and you will be able to influence them to move on the right direction. Don’t try and move people before you have connected with them as this will lead to mistrust, resistance and strained relationships.
6. Conclusion
The best leaders in the world – those that will have people follow them willingly just about anywhere – are those that have developed great listening skills and intelligent questioning skills and have learnt the art of connecting with people.
Leadership is about influence.
Your choice is whether that influence will build positively or negatively into the lives of other people.
The challenge awaits.
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